i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
