It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
