omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
