Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
