Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
