I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i will never coherently bang her
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
