Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
