Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
