Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do vagina's smell?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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