:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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