Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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