you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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