I wannas sexs uuuuu
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
