if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
