bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
