hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
