you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
