pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
