the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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