I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
