I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
