I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
