Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
