just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
