So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
