i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
