Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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