dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
