Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
