he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
