The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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