that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
