Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
