To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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