There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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