He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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