you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
