Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
