Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
