I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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