I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
