is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
