Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
