I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
