Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need to calm my uterus...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
