while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
