btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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