i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
