PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
