Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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