Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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