He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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