Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
a search helicopter?!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
