I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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