I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Houston, we have a squirter
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
