If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
