If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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