I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize