Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
