You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
