It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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