Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she told me i tasted like america
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
