I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
