you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
