My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
