The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
