Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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