I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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