dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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