I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
