How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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