life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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