I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
