I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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